We are raising children in a world that even adults are struggling to understand. As a nation, our mental health is declining. At this point, mental health skill building is just as vital as teaching kids how to tie their shoes.
The news is heavy and the pace is relentless. The expectations are high and the sense of safety, both emotional and physical, feels more volatile than it used to.
If this environment feels like a lot to you, imagine what it feels like to a child.
How Do We Know If the World Is Affecting Our Children?
Children don’t always know how to express what they feel. They may not have the words to say, “I feel overwhelmed by the state of the world.” But they feel it in their bodies. They also feel it in their sleep, their friendships, and in their silence.
Picture being in the middle of an invisible thunderstorm. That is how many of our children are feeling. For them, the world can feel scary, overwhelming, and often isolating.
Sometimes, they carry that storm in silence. In other kids, we see it acted out in their behavior.
Overwhelm can show up as:
- Irritability or anger that seems disproportionate
- Withdrawal from family or activities
- Increased anxiety or fear
- Trouble sleeping
- Loss of joy in things they used to love
- A feeling of “what’s the point?”
What looks like attitude or disrespect can actually be a sign of overwhelm. For some kids, even maintaining healthy relationships starts to feel like too much. Children withdraw and disconnect in an attempt to protect themselves from more overwhelm.
Whether you have noticed any of these signs or not, one of the best ways you can support your child’s emotional well being is by teaching them valuable tools I call Hoping Skills™.
What Are Hoping Skills™?
Hoping Skills™ are essential intentional practices that help children:
- Believe their life has value
- See a future worth living
- Hold on during emotional storms
- Recover from setbacks instead of collapsing under them
Hope is not something children either have or don’t. It is something they can learn, practice, and strengthen, just like math, reading, or sports. With these practical strategies, kids can get better at holding on to hope.
Why Hoping Skills™ and Emotional Regulation Matter More Than Ever
After decades of working as a therapist, I’ve supported people through a wide range of life experiences. I’ve walked with people through mental health conditions like depression and bipolar disorder. I’ve heard stories of substance abuse, toxic relationships, and unhelpful thoughts. I’ve accompanied families through financial difficulties and difficult decisions.
No matter the individual needs, there is one thread that unites us all: we all need hope.
When someone loses hope, everything becomes heavier:
- Problems feel permanent
- Pain feels endless
- And the future feels uncertain and out of reach
But when we have hope, even just a small amount, we:
- Can tolerate discomfort
- Remember we aren’t alone
- Can imagine a future beyond this uncomfortable or unhappy moment
Having the ability to imagine something beyond our current circumstance can truly save lives.
How Hope Relates to Mental Health Challenges
Hope isn’t a fluffy, nice-to-have feeling. It has a real and measurable impact on mental wellness.
Research shows that when people have higher levels of hope, they experience lower levels of depression, anxiety, and overall distress. One study followed people using one of my favorite hoping skills, setting realistic goals.
After 8 weeks of working toward their goals, participants’ mental well being had improved. They had fewer signs of depression and anxiety. Even people with chronic illnesses reported that their symptoms had improved!
Hopeful thinking helps us grow mental resilience and better navigate stress. In children and teens, it is almost like a coat of armor. One study called hope a “buffer against suicide attempts“. Higher levels of hope are linked to lower rates of suicidal thinking and better emotional regulation.
Translation: We all need hope. We need to know how to cultivate it, grow it, and use it when life feels hard.
How are Hoping Skills™ different from coping strategies?
Coping strategies help children get through a hard moment. They calm the body, settle big emotions, and create a sense of safety when life feels overwhelming. Things like taking deep breaths, stepping away from a situation, squeezing a stress ball, or talking to a trusted adult are all ways children cope in the moment. Coping skills are reactive. They meet the child right where they are, in the middle of the storm.
Hoping Skills™ go a step further. They help a child believe that their current hard moment is not the end of the story. They build the ability to look ahead, stay connected to possibility, and keep moving forward when things feel uncertain. Practices like imagining something they’re looking forward to, setting small goals, repeating positive affirmations, building a supportive network of healthy relationships, or even creating a “hope toolkit” are all ways children strengthen hope. These skills are preventative. They build a foundation that makes future storms feel less overwhelming.
Coping helps a child feel better now. Hoping helps a child believe in what comes next. They work hand in hand to steady kids in the moment and give them a reason to keep going.
How to Teach Hoping Skills™ for Better Mental Health
We can’t teach hope through lectures. We teach it through daily, small, intentional moments sprinkled into everyday life. Here are 5 steps you can take to embed these practical skills into your conversations and support your children’s mental wellbeing.
1. Name the Storm
The next time you are feeling the weight of everything happening around you, name it. It can be as simple as saying, “Today felt heavy, didn’t it?”
This lets children know it is okay to not be okay. You make them feel less alone by recognizing you feel it too. And you give them language to express what they’re feeling.
2. Teach Impermanence
Follow the acknowledgement with a reminder:
“Sometimes bad emotions are like really bad thunderstorms. They feel like they will never pass. They feel big, scary, and overwhelming in the moment, but they always end.”
This helps children understand that even when feelings seem permanent, they are not. Feelings are temporary. Feelings are not fact. They are like temperatures on a thermometer. Readings on thermometers change all the time.
3. Anchor Them to the Future
Next, remind them that there is more to come. Remind your kids (and yourself) that:
- We don’t know what life will look like tomorrow, a year from now, or even ten years from now.
- You haven’t met all the people who will love you.
- Life still has gifts and blessings for you to unwrap.
Help them see that today is not the whole story.
4. Reflect Their Worth
Make it a practice to “see” your child every day. Be sure they know you are watching both the good and bad.
Notice something good they did.
Tell them you are proud of them in every moment, even when the moment is not their best. You are proud of them for trying, for showing up, and not giving up.
Children our borrow beliefs before they build their own. Give them a firm foundation of positive self-talk.
You can do this by saying something as simple as: “I am proud of you. I am so glad you are here.”
5. Model Hope Yourself
Children don’t learn hope from what we say.
They learn it from how we live.
When they see you:
- keep going
- recover from setbacks
- speak about the future with possibility
They learn that today is not the end. They see hope in action and they learn to use it in their own lives too.
Build Resilience Into Your Family’s Daily Life with Hoping Skills™
Hope is not naive. It is a vital protective skill.
We need hope in the same way we need air to breathe. Life requires us to keep going when things are hard, to keep showing up, to try again. We need hope to fuel that perseverance.
In today’s world, teaching our children how to hope may be one of the most important things we will ever do.
If you want to teach your kids these valuable life skills, download our free Hoping Skills Workbook for Kids.
It is a treasure trove of skill building activities that kids can use to learn how to grow their hope a little more each day. With improved emotional regulation, they will be able to better manage stressful situations and stay strong when life gets hard.