Thank you @worry_ _lines for this image.
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It really got me thinking about how bad most if us are at giving ourselves what we need the most.
You’ve heard the term self-care. But did you know that not all self-care is created equal? There are levels of self-care.
Let me show you what I mean…
Levels of Self-Care
Let’s say you tell your friends you had a bad week at work, your family is getting on your nerves, life is life-ing…
They say:
Go home. Take a hot bath. Lotion up. Hydrate. Take a nap.
So, you do. And it works, for a minute or two.
But the second you walk out of that bedroom, back to your family or back into the office, the stress boils right back up again.
Yes, it was self-care, but it’s level one self-care.
Level one self care looks like:
- Taking care of your physical health and well being
- Spending time doing things you enjoy
- Getting adequate rest
- Living a healthy lifestyle
- Prioritizing your overall health
It all counts, all of that is self care. But it is all focused on you, your needs, your desires.
Types of Self Care
There are so many more “kinds” of self-care than you ever realized. If you do a quick Google search, it will tell you there is:
- Emotional self care
- Spiritual self care
- Social self care
- Financial self care
- Environmental self care
The list goes on and on. Even things like fostering healthy relationships and setting boundaries can count as self-care!
The truth is, the categories don’t matter. There is no one type of self care that is going to cure what you feel right now. Even the Google searches are missing the mark.
All these examples of self care look at an individual person’s well being. They are all focused on one person finding ways to relieve stress and feel better.
The problem is, there are times when a bath and a nap won’t touch what your spirit is carrying.
A spa day is not the prescription for a society that feels like it’s on fire.
Normal everyday stressors call for inward self-care, but what we are going through right now calls for something entirely different: outward self-care.
Sometimes the care your spirit needs most isn’t something you do inside your house.
It’s something you do out in the world.
Level 2: Outward Self-Care Activities
When you feel powerless, one of the fastest ways to calm your nervous system is to use your power on purpose (thank you Octavia E. Butler).
To remind your body:
I can do something.
I can help.
I can contribute.
I can love out loud.
Here is what outward self-care looks like right now:
1) Make someone’s life easier on purpose.
• Write a letter filled with warmth, hope, and sweet family memories to a niece or nephew.
• Offer to pick up groceries for someone who is overwhelmed.
• Send a “thinking of you” text to the person who never asks for help.
2) Build a circle.
Yesterday, someone commented on a post I made and said, “I had no one to talk to, so I spent all day talking to myself.”
Healthy relationships are so important for our mental well being. We need close relationships and social interactions to heal just as much as we need a balanced diet and positive affirmations. We all need other people, loved ones, friends, whatever that may look like. We NEED circles, people who know us, support us, and hear us when we struggle. To help you find your people, you could:
• Start a weekly coffee circle.
• Host a “quiet hour”. Phones down, tea on, and everybody practices full breaths together. All the way in, all the way out.
• Create a group chat that is not for arguing, debating or sharing bad news. It’s solely for checking on each other and sharing resources, sharing hope.
3) Care for kids on purpose.
When adults are fearful and hopeless, children feel it first. Sometimes, self-care involves taking extra care of someone else. Especially if you are a parent, when your kids are suffering you suffer too. To give kids extra support, you could:
• Read to a child.
• Volunteer at a school.
• Donate books.
• Buy hope-filled books and give them away like a granny gives out little wrapped candies in church.
• Ask a young person, “How are you really doing?” and wait long enough for the real answer.
4) Turn your outrage into real-life action.
Arguing online is a spirit drain. Advocating in the comment sections will get you nowhere. All it does is steal your energy and hand it to people who feed on chaos. It’s not productive and it leaves you depleted. Instead:
• Use that time to learn what’s happening locally.
• Attend one community meeting.
• Go to a march. You don’t have to walk if you can’t. Just stand there. Numbers count.
• Make one call to a Senator just to say, “I am not okay with where we are headed.”
• Support one organization doing real work. Even a $5 donation means something. It is support that goes beyond dollars. It’s a vote for what you want.
5) Practice “service as medicine.”
Not to save the world in a day, but to save your own hope. The best thing you can do when you feel really down is give to someone else. Why not:
• Volunteer once a month. People appreciate it more than you realize and it truly is one of the best ways to boost your overall well being.
• Send postcards that call for action.
• Watch kids for a few hours for a single mom who’s drowning and just really needs a nap or to go to the grocery store in peace.
• Tip a little bigger when you can.
• Check on elders.
6) Go to therapy. Yes, for this.
There is nothing wrong with seeking professional help when you are struggling. You are not “too sensitive.” You are human. Your heart is doing what it’s supposed to do. It is screaming, “this is not okay!” and it is 100% correct. Don’t ignore it. Dig in and listen.
Therapy doesn’t mean you’re weak. It doesn’t mean you are too much. Therapy is maintenance for your mind and your heart. It’s like a gym for your mind instead of your muscles.
Practice Self Care From the Inside Out
Outward self-care does not mean abandoning yourself. It means expanding what our idea of self-care is so we don’t get swallowed by despair.
Yes, still take care of your internal self care needs:
- Get enough sleep.
- Drink enough water.
- Journal.
- Take the bubble bath.
- Breathe deep.
But also:
Love somebody on purpose.
Help somebody on purpose.
Stand on purpose.
These practices bring an even deeper sense of self care. They remind you that you aren’t alone. We are all connected. True self care isn’t just about looking in but about reaching out.
Key Takeaways
An effective self care plan isn’t all about you. It is about caring for your emotional well being and caring for others. That is how you stay connected, avoid burnout, and keep fighting for what we know is right.
We don’t do an unjust world any justice by losing our hope.
We honor it by becoming the kind of people who see what’s happening and do something. Anything. Even the smallest act of self-care is a form of resistance.
What intentional actions will you take this week to prevent burnout and practice self care inside and out?
If your emotional well being has taken a hit over the past few months, I have a gift for you. My book “In the Meantime: Help, Healing, and Survival for the Tired Heart” will help you figure out how to continue living, dreaming, even thriving during hard seasons. It is your path through the fog, back to your passions, your core values, yourself. And the best part? You can get a digital copy for $0.